‘Why are you hiding?’

My first response?  I’m not hiding, I’m right here!

Yes, right here in the busyness. Right here in the scheduled activity, the planning, the cleanup from yesterday, the forecasting and arranging of tomorrow.  And next month.  And next year… And retirement…  I’m right here, doing life.  It takes a lot out of me, you understand?

Breathe.hiding-behind-a-tree1

Where are you?

OK, you got me.  I’m here… I’ll put this down for a moment.

But soon, I’m feeling itchy.  Maybe I can get on with the list.  I’ll just get it out of my mind and then I can focus.  Then.   Wait a moment, let’s put some background noise on… it’ll help bring my racing mind into the present.  Oh… now I’ve got some space, I wonder how so-and-so are getting on?  I’ll just check… Facebook…  Oh, and I wonder whatever happened about… [that thing]…

Hey… why are you hiding?

Why are you hiding in all this noise?

I told you. I’m not hiding.  It’s the noise.  I can’t turn it off.  I can’t hear you.  Heck, I can’t even hear myself.  OK, I’ll lean in… just a bit.  I’m trying.  Really.  I’ll just put this down.  I see it.  I’m the one fixated on my phone, my screen, the distractions.  I know I judge all those others in the coffee shops, having no-dates with each other behind their devices.  But that’s me too.  Me with You.

Breathe.

God. This is hard.  Actually, it’s awkward.  I don’t know what to say, or do.  Are you really OK with this?  If I’m honest, I’m actually squirming under your scrutiny.  I don’t want to see it.  I don’t want to see what you see.  I don’t actually want to admit this addiction. This chronic self-avoidance. And God-avoidance.

I don’t want to deal with it. Maybe, actually, if I let the truth surface, I’m terrified, and I’m terrified to see it, afraid to name it.  I don’t want you to see me scared.  I don’t want to admit to you that I’ve messed up our relationship in the middle of all…. this…

Could it possibly be my fault?

Hey.  Where are you?

Why are you hiding?  Really?  Don’t you know I’m not judging you?  Don’t you know I’m not going to leave? Don’t you know that Love don’t run and I can take it?  I can take whatever you’ve got to say to me, whatever you feel, whatever you accuse?  I can take your pain and fears?  I can take it?  I won’t turn away, no matter what you bring?

Why are you hiding?  Don’t you know that I’m the one that can help?  That wants to help?  Don’t you know that I’m right here? Don’t you realise that my heart is aching for you, watching you crumble under the weight of ‘all… this…’?

Why are you hiding?

Love Don’t Run by Steve Holy
This is gonna hurt, this is gonna hurt like hell
This is gonna damn near kill me, sometimes the truth ain’t easy
I know that you’re scared of telling me something
I don’t wanna hear, but baby believe that
I’m not leaving, you couldn’t give me one good reason
Love don’t run, love don’t hide
It won’t turn away or back down from a fight
Baby I’m right here and I ain’t going anywhere
Love’s too tough it won’t give up no not on us
Baby Love don’t run…
Let’s lay it on the line, I don’t care if it takes all night ’cause
This is gonna makes us stronger, it’s gonna make forever longer
I know it’d be easier walking away but what we got is real
And I wanna save us, baby we can do it, Baby we’ll get through it…
Full lyrics on Google Play Music
.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of Thee in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” – Genesis 3:8-11
.

“Success is measured… by the intimacy of our relationship with Jesus Christ.”
– Edmond Sanganyado, The Good Shepherd

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s