Taking five minutes with the #FiveMinuteFriday gang to write unedited on a theme sent out by Lisa-Jo Baker. This week its Grateful.
OK, so I know my life is blessed in so many ways. So I should be grateful, right? Trouble is that when I start thinking like that I only put myself on a guilt trip about how ungrateful I am, and how much suffering there is in the world, and how privileged I am, and how little others have. That line of thinking never works.
So I tried, nevertheless, to see what is good about my life and my job this week – if you read last week’s post, you know I’m just starting back at work after a good long break, and it’s always hard to fit back into the routine. I’m not feeling grateful to be back, and I wish my whole life was a holiday. Be grateful. Look on the bright side. Be positive…. I cajole and guilt myself forward.
Until my heart leaps at something. I’m too tired to keep this up, but there are glimmers. Oh, to see and hear my colleagues delightful chuckle again. I wrote it down on the calendar. My life is enriched by that sound.
Last night I was out with a friend and I laughed until my head hurt (I know!?) at her crazy story of the ‘paperwork-gone-out-of-control-stuffed-in-a-drawer’. She claims she’ll never be an administrator again, and I think her boss would agree. That was honest laughter. Have you tried to laugh on command? Giggle? I don’t think it can be done – forced is inauthentic.
My friend pointed out gratitude can be like that. Don’t think that God can be fooled. If you’re down in the dumps about something, then that’s how it is. Don’t pretend to be happy or grateful. But pour it out to him – like in the Psalms, there’s a lot of moping around in that book… but when the moping is poured out to God, more often than not, the finals words are much more positive. Somehow David’s seen something through the gloom that his heart genuinely leaps at. And for that he is grateful.
So gratitude? Mine’s got to be honest.